A huge part of me would like to function purely by the old saying, "If it ain't working then fix it." But it seems easier said than done. The reality is, it not easy to fix a child's behavior, teenage drama, marital problems or relationships in general. I'm not saying they cannot be repaired but the fix is not instant. It is not like "poof" everything is perfect.
Although I understand every relationship requires work, there are times when I'm over it. With conflict there is a price that we all pay and the cost is often not worth it. The cost of an argument or disagreement requires a person to pay with time, energy, emotions, feelings and health. I'm not sure about you but adding stress to ones life has a cost that is too high to pay. I believe my health and wellbeing are more important the justification of being right.
Here are six ways to mend a broken relationship and finding freedom by improving communication in relationships. Keep in mind these tips may be useful in any type of relationship; kids, teen & partners/ spouses, work.....
6 ways to find freedom by improving Communication and Relationships?
1. Communication, Communication, Communication!
Sometimes communication is hard. I know how it feels to just want someone to disappear after an disagreement. I get it, truthfully, I'm there now. But when I compare the cost of holding a grudge to happiness; I would rather figure out ways to work things out.
2. Open the lines of Communication
Acknowledge your contribution during the disagreement. Take responsibility for your actions and words. This helps to show the other person that you are human. I know it is difficult but the reality is, it take two or more people to have a disagreement. Everyone who engages should take responsibility for their part but understand you cannot force someone to do so. In case you had a question, yes, non verbal gestures can contribute to a disagreement! LOL
3.. Give up the being Right or Wrong!
At this point right and wrong does not matter. Years from now no one will even remember the disagreement. It take a certain type of person to be open to giving up something in order to obtain peace. So yes, this requires giving something of yourself. No it is not easy, so meditate or pray on it. Anytime a person gives up something it requires an act of selflesness. So remember Give it Up and Let it Go!
4. Listen in a way that you usually Do Not....
So listening is more difficult than we think. The difficult part is listening without the thoughts in your head that makes someone wrong . You know, these thoughts usually start the moment someone begins talking. For example, having a thought "yea right" or "you are stupid" while the person is talking. So my challenge to you is to ignore and stop the thoughts in the background of your mind and try to JUST LISTEN. You will find that you have heard something that you did not hear before. Either way, good or bad; the ability to listen can create a new level of understanding in relationships.
5. Understand who you are and the role you play.....
This is the most difficult part..... You cannot expect the other person to do the same. You have to be okay with your reactions. However, at the end of the day you have to be clear with who you are. Another person is response for their actions only. And at the end of the day we can't place a meaning on any of it. Most importantly, who you become is worth more TO YOURSELF than anyone else. Understanding who you are as a person creates a new level of freedom that was not available to you before. So I encourage you to let go of drama and understand that you have done all that you can just by forgiving. It is funny because in the process of surrendering, you experience more power than ever before.
6. Agree to Disagree
If all else fails, agree to allow the person to put into place a way to improve communication in the future. And you do the same. This can be as simple as saying "I agree not to yell when I become angry and I will tell you what you said to upset me" or "I will not blame you or bring up the past, I will only talk about the issue at hand without blaming."
We all have improve communicate together. I mainly say this to myself because it is difficult to communicate in anger, dissatisfaction or disappointment . We deal with so much as parents, spouses, professionals and individuals. There are so many road blocks in life that causes us to either disconnect or operate in anger when we become stressed. To relieve the stresses of life is extremely important. Imaging living a life where you are no longer surviving but living vibrantly and happily. Believe me everyone around you will notice the change when you change from surviving to happiness.
This article does not address domestic violence relationships or situations and is not intended to add a solution make domestic violence relationships work. If you are someone currently in a domestic violence situation please leave for the safety of your family. The hotline for domestic violence is www.thehotline.org/ or 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
Latoya Boston, CEO
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